watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
there is glitter all over my balls
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
