I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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