Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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