The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
