i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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