i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
