for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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