areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
