He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
