Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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