The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My pussy is not your playground.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
