hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't deserve a penis
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
