Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
