She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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