just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
