So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
