By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The struggles of a small town man whore
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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