Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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