I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
