nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
