she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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