I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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