If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize