we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
two words: eviction party
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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