bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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