just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
