i was born a porn star she said
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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