I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
