He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
