so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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