i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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