Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
