he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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