Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
