My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize