i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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