This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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