I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
