He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
