I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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