why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
