so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
