He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
