The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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