? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish i was in the wii world.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
