Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
