drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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