I'm laying in your front yard are you home
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
