Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
