Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
