Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
