Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
