Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my sisters under your porch take her home
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
