either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
