Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize