Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
