I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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