a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
