false alarm. still invincible.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
