Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I touched a dick in church today
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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