Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
