She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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