I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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