Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
