woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
bring money and cleavage
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
