i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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