Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
